Beauty and intrigue

Arms raised up in youthful Joy

A turn reveals art

Lower Back Tattoo, where did you go? You were once symbol of joy and exuberance. But suddenly, you were cursed. Shamed. They turned on you. They called you wretched names.

Ass Antlers.

Hoe Tag.

Tart Art.

The California License Plate.

And, or course . . . The Tramp Stamp.

How dare they. How dare they besmirch your beauty? Those vile, base creatures shamed you. They spat on you. Belittled you. They forced you into hiding. They said you were the symbol of the trashy.

Those miserable harridans said things like “Oh, okay Misty. Suuuure you’re going to be a marine biologist one day. Of course you are . . . because you’re so smart.”

Damn it, and damn them. Misty, I believe in you. You will be a marine biologist one day. Or a dental hygienist.

Lower Back Tattoo, you were replaced. Replaced but never forgotten. Not by me.

The Nautical Star can never replace you, no matter how many trendy idiots put them on their elbows.

They implied you were of low intelligence. But do these quirky pricks who got The Finger Mustache scream "academics"?

Only god may judge you? No, methinks an actual judge will judge you . . . guilty of shaming the Lower Back Tattoo . . . and most likely B&E, aggravated assault, resisting arrest, possession with the intent to distribute . . .

Long before the Bird Silhouette and/or Dandelion Blowing came along, YOU, dear Lower Back Tattoo, were the badge of honor earned at that one crazy spring break.

Bows on Thighs? Ha! You can never replace the glory that is Lower Back Tattoo!

. . . well, huh. Hmm . . . let’s call you a close second.

Ladies (and gentlemen?), hide your curling tribal marks no longer. Let your butterfly wings soar. Your days in exile are over. Thanks to insanely progressive social justice--and it's crazy that I agree--the words they damned you with are forbidden. No longer can they call your Lower Back Tattoo a “Tramp Stamp,” because that is slut shaming. If you were mocked because of your size and LBT, well, that is body shaming.

That being said, perhaps some of you may want to consider a cover-up. Progressive ideology aside, these are pushing the bounds of tolerance:

But in the end (HA!), it’s your decision. But I ask you, please come back. I remember the first Lower Back Tattoo and it was amazing. Sure it was 1996, but I can still see it. Done right, it’s sweet, sexy, and beautiful. And if nothing else, there are plenty of “No Regerts” out there to take the heat away from you.