Diary of a Gen Z student: Listen up, anyone over 30 — stop using full stops in texts

It makes me feel like I’m back in school again, and I’ve served my time. 

Sure, when it comes from someone over the age of 30, I’ll take their full stop with a pinch of salt. 

I assume they just don’t know that those went out of fashion around the same time as MySpace and capris.

But if one of my friends were to hit me with a ‘Hello.’ over text, I’d start sweating. 

Essentially, a text like that is grounds for me to assume that I am involved in a serious argument with said friend. That’s just not how we text.

There’s a fairly strict rubric that all Gen Zers follow when they’re texting. 

Instead of using full stops, we tend to send multiple short messages. 

Each message is a bit like a sentence, but with poor structure. We’re not looking for a Nobel Prize in literature here. Clear, quick communication. 

Instead of saying to a friend, ‘I’m five minutes away from your house.’ I’d go with ‘there in 5’ – no need for capital letters or full stops.

Get the job done. No funny business.

I can feel the eyes of the older generations rolling, as they read that. A few disgruntled mutterings, calling me a snowflake, or weak, saying that I don’t know what struggle is. 

Young people, am I right? The country’s doomed if this girl is the future. Can’t even write a full sentence. 

Children used to sweep chimneys. And here’s this 20-year-old girl, complaining about the texting habits of old people?

Well, guilty as charged. I am here, and I have some complaining to do. 

Because the art of texting has moved on from the Nokia-blockia days. 

And, as the resident Gen Zer at the Irish Examiner, I feel it’s my civic duty to catch everyone up. So, instead of calling me a snowflake, Fergus64, take a deep breath. You should be thanking me. 

I’m your 'in'. I’m considering this my good deed for the month, whipping the technologically challenged into shape. Tech savvy shape. It’s like reverse ageing. 

Heed my advice and you might just be asked for ID next time you’re ordering a pint. Or whatever it is that old people drink. I wouldn’t know.

One thing I like about texting someone my age is that they’re not scared to be enthusiastic. That’s a trait that can be sorely lacking from the texts of my parents’ generation. 

If I texted my dad that I was getting married, I wouldn’t be surprised to get a thumbs-up emoji in response. Maybe a clapping hands emoji too, at a push. 

But you’d be left waiting, if you were hoping for proclamations of congratulations and excitement. 

I know the excitement would be there, it just wouldn’t translate through text messages. Again, pinch of salt needed. 

He’s a 50-year-old man, texting like a Gen Zer doesn’t come naturally to him.

Worst of all, when texting the older generations is their ominous use of ellipses… 

My 2004 brain cannot compute. What does that ‘…’ mean? Am I in trouble? Is the space left there because what they really want to say is beyond linguistic description? It’s a minefield. 

I don’t know if I’m supposed to respond, or apply for witness protection. Because surely it can’t be good. 

I’ll admit, logical conclusions are not always my forte. But I know I’m not alone in my ellipsis-induced panic; I take comfort in the shared struggle. Ask any young person, there’s little else like it. 

Instagram being shut down? That might induce something similar. But here’s to hoping that we never have to find that out for sure.

I don’t mean to patronise my elders (the over-30s). I know, I know. This technology was all designed by people who are older than me. And I’m grateful for that, really. 

But with all this concern today about anxiety and stress? Upskilling Ireland’s texting population could do a world of good, for the wellbeing of Ireland’s youngsters. 

Step 1: remove all full stops from phone keyboards. We can expand from there.

• Jane is a student at Trinity College Dublin, where she is in her second year, studying English.